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Rating: 1 out of 5
Sometimes, a movie comes along, and you watch the trailer and think it might be a decent film. That happened to me when I saw the trailer for 47 Ronin. I had just watched 13 Samurai a while back and was interested in Japanese culture and stories. Hell, I LOVE anime, and watching those fantastic series increased my interest in Japanese culture. During my deep dive into Japanese history, I came across the story of the 47 Ronin.
HISTORY LESSON: Here is what I know about the 47 Ronin. It was straight-up revenge. 47 homeboys bumping Drake and looking for revenge. The story is a historical event in Japan when a band of Ronin decided to avenge the death of their leader. Let’s quick note this. Two daimyo, Asano and Ako, along with Lord Kamei, were ordered to arrange a fitting reception for one of the high-powered shoguns. During the time together, shit goes down as Asano and Kira don’t like each other. Actually, they hate each other, and it really goes down when Kira disrespects Asano. Asano draws his sword and smacks the shit out of Kira. This was a big no-no as they were in the shogun’s palace. The shogun allows Asano to perform seppuku to preserve his honor. Asano’s men, especially Ōishi, plot one of the most gangsta revenge plots in history, knowing they will die in the end. Straight-up loyalty.
Back to the trailer, I saw Keanu Reeves playing the title character and also saw dragons and thought okay, it won’t be that bad. Well, I am sorry to say that the movie is pretty bad. After watching this film, you might have to perform seppuku on yourself to escape the misery of watching this film. The story was good, but the execution, special effects, and dialogue/acting were all so far below average that you could watch something else.
In the later part of medieval Japan, a half-Japanese and half-English outcast named Kai (Reeves) is rescued from his impending death by the benevolent ruler, Lord Asano. Kai grows up alongside Lord Asano’s daughter, Mika (Shibasaki). Throughout the years, Kai has sworn undoubting loyalty to Lord Asano and would do anything for him. Kai and Mika fall in love, but Kai is shunned by almost everyone in the palace for being mixed race. When Shogun Tsunayoshi (Tagawa) and the leader of the neighboring province, Lord Kira (Asano), roll up, Lord Kira and his witch, Mizuki (Kikuchi), enact their plan of dishonoring Lord Asano and taking everything that he owns. When Asano performs seppuku, Asano’s loyal men, his high-ranking samurai, Oishi (Sanada) and Kai, are ordered by the shogun to not take revenge and declare them Ronin. The shogun grants Mika a year of grievance, but she must marry Lord Kira after that year. Not liking the orders and wanting revenge, Oishi recruits his 47 ronin and plans to take revenge and clear his disgraced commander’s name.
Like I said before, the concept of the film’s story is decent, but it was the freakin execution and many other things that failed this film. I liked the revenge plot of the film. It made for a nice base for the film. The story is simple: you are part of a group that beef with another group. Things are cool when the Man comes in and says everyone is cool. Well, the leader of one crew wants it all and decides to have his girl cause trouble and frame the leader that gets him removed. The Man is like, the former crew is dissolved, and the rival takes it all. Simple, easy, I have seen the story many times over.
Where the story loses me, and it seems to be a common theme, is that the “outsider” is treated like trash and loyal to a fault. Kai is faithful, but Oishi and everyone treat him like trash. When everything goes down, and Oishi asks for help, Kai should’ve said, why, homie? Yet, he helps because he loves Mika and knows it is wrong. Also, Kai has some freakin unnatural abilities that make him a fearsome swordsman. I would’ve instead watched a film of Kai’s life before and the training he got. There is a nice scene in the middle, but it gets muddled throughout the rest of the awful film.
The story goes to straight shit when it starts adding all the fantasy shit. We have a witch that turns into a dragon, spits up spiders, and has two eye colors. We also have Lord Asano’s men and Kai hunting a mythical beast only to take its horn. We have freaky-looking dudes who look like a mix between birds or whatever who can move at incredible speeds. Lord Kira has this massive ass samurai that might be a demon. Oh, in medieval Japan, you can’t forget about having pirates. I think that scene was where I threw up my hands and said, DONE!” Why the hell were pirates in this film in the first place? It was a nice scene to show Oishi and Kai fighting against each other, but did it really need to be pirates?
The acting was straight-up trash, also. Keanu, you are one of my favorite actors, but it seemed like you were either bored or didn’t really want to do it. I don’t know how to describe it. It seemed like your heart wasn’t really into it. It also seemed like other characters were trying way too hard or had zero direction on what they should be doing. It really showed up in this film because it almost made me want to fall asleep.
If you want some mindless entertainment with action, a lousy storyline, and acting, then the 47 Ronin is one of you. The plot is decent. It is just everything else involved that makes this a boring ass film to watch. Leave your expectations low because if you raise them just a little bit, you will be severely disappointed.
