Blonde (2022)

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Via: Netflix

Rating: 2 out of 5

Marilyn Monroe has been an icon in Hollywood for as long as I can remember. Even though she passed away in 1960, her beauty and sex appeal still live on today. She was the icon of icons for beauty in the film industry. Marilyn Monroe was an actress and model known for playing the “blonde bombshell.” She became one of the most popular, if not the most popular, sex symbols of the 1950s and early 1960s. The iconic standing over the blowing grate and the dress flying up is still one of the most memorable images in history. Monroe was a famous and high-demand actress in her day. The American Film Institute ranked her as the sixth-greatest female screen legend from the Golden Age of Hollywood. Even though she had a high-profile career, her personal life was straight-up awful. I read she spent most of her childhood in 12 foster homes and an orphanage. That is straight-up crazy. She was married three times: James Dougherty, Joe DiMaggio, and Arthur Miller, and had a reported affair with former President John F. Kennedy. She died at the young age of 36 from an overdose of barbiturates at her Los Angeles home.

Via: Netflix

I will admit that I know nothing about the life of Marilyn Monroe. I obviously know about her, and the first time I saw her act and was surprised to see her was when I watched “All About Eve.” I haven’t read any stories about her. The closest I came to learning about the famous actress was when the original Quantum Leap did an episode about her. When Netflix announced they were making a biographical film about her, and it was starring Ana de Armas, I was highly intrigued. The trailer looked good, and I couldn’t wait to watch it. Instead, it was a film that took me DAYS to watch from how bad it was.

The film is about the ups and MAJOR downs of Norma Jeane or, as the world will know her, Marilyn Monroe. The movie felt like it was all over the place with its presentation. It started with Norma Jeane being raised by her mentally unstable mother, Gladys Pearl Baker. The way the film presented it, her mother was crazy, and she always claimed that her father was a famous Hollywood person. She gave the young Norma a framed picture of the man and even drove to the home when a fire broke out in Hollywood Hills. Not knowing her father had a profound impact on Marilyn. Throughout the whole film, she would call the husbands she had “daddy.” It was freakin weird. The movie kept up with the theme of her always wanting to know who her father was and each time she thought she found him, she would be disappointed. You can tell she longed for a father figure. Even towards the end of the film, when Marilyn was having mental breakdowns, the scene where she drove around the neighborhood looking for a father was said, but it seemed to exploit the fact in her life. Once again, I’m just going off the film.

Via: Netflix

The film also goes through the career of Monroe and some of the sexual times she had. In the 1940s, she became a pin-up model and changed her name to Marilyn Monroe. She makes it, and when she breaks into the acting world, she gets passed around like a piece of meat. She is raped by film studio president Mr. Z. Hollywood now is awful with all the sexual assault, but can you imagine how shit was back in the 40s, 50s, and 60s? Maybe all the studio executives were like the despicable Harvey Weinstein. As Monroe’s career rose, she met Charles “Cass” Chaplin Jr. and Edward G. “Eddy” Robinson Jr. and became a lover to both. She has some wild times with them, and they even betray her. She eventually marries famed New York Yankees player Joe DiMaggio. That relationship was nothing more than domestic violence, based on the film. He got really pissed because Cass and Eddy sent him nude pictures of her. She was loyal to you, and you slapped her around. When she divorced him and married Arthur, you thought it would be cool because he seemed chill and accepted her. The film showed that she was picked up by Secret Service and was raped by President Kennedy. The film didn’t even show the Happy Birthday scene.

The film tried to show how much Monroe wanted to be a mother and have a child. This is another area that had a profound effect on the star. She gets pregnant by Cass but decides to get an abortion. She seemed to always want and regret not having a baby. She seemed to always crave having a little one. When she is with Arthur, she gets pregnant but loses it. Even the end scene had a frame of her having a little one before her death.

Via: Netflix

Norma Jeane becomes pregnant by Cass, much to her delight, but eventually decides to obtain an abortion out of fear that the child might inherit Gladys’ mental issues. Cass supports her decision. She changed her mind on the day of the appointment, but her pleas to cancel the appointment were ignored. Following the abortion, she breaks things off with Cass and Eddy. She later meets Joe DiMaggio, a retired athlete who sympathizes with her when she expresses her desire to leave Hollywood and become a more serious actress in New York City. As she films Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, she receives a letter from a man claiming to be her father. Norma Jeane feels disconnected from her onscreen performance at the film’s premiere, saying it is not her. She returns to her hotel room, having been told that someone is waiting for her. Expecting it to be her father, she instead finds Joe, who proposes to her, which she accepts reluctantly.

The film only spends a little bit of time on her career. You see the iconic films she made in the background, but the film really focused on the effects around her. It made her seem like an extreme diva or lunatic when filming. To be honest, the film spent more time having her naked than anything else. There was really no substance to the film. It felt all over the place, and that is why it took me a very long time to watch it. It felt like it had no consistency, and after a while, I stopped paying attention to the whole film.

One of the highlights of this film was the visual effects. The black-and-white feel of the film was outstanding. I can’t remember if there was any color in the movie, but I felt like it was all black and white. There were many slow-motion scenes that added to the effect and importance of the scene. The one scene that really hit hard was towards the end when Some Like It Hot was premiered. The start of the scene shows her crying, but as the camera slowly turns to the mirror, she is shown smiling and looking stunning. It was a great transition and had a significant effect of the mindset of Monroe.

The biggest prop and accolade need to be given to Ana de Armas. The ONLY reason this film is worth watching is because of Armas’ performance. Without her, this film would be even more of a dumpster fire. Armas looked exactly like Monroe and even had the voice down to perfection. She paraded around naked most of the time, and I didn’t mind because she was gorgeous, but it seemed to take away from her performance. The way she showed how emotional Monroe was and all her inner demons was memorable to watch. Even though she didn’t win an Academy Award, I am happy she was nominated because she delivered one of the year’s best performances.

Blonde is a disappointing film about the life of Marilyn Monroe. It was a complete bore, and there are better films about the actress than what was presented. You might as well watch all her movies and leave it at that. The only good thing about this film was the fantastic performance by Ana de Armas. Without her performance, this film would’ve been even worse. Watch this film if you want, but watch Some Like It Hot instead.

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