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Rating: 2 out of 5
If you played with the G.I. Joe toys or watched the animated TV show, Snake Eyes was one of the characters you might’ve loved. Snake Eyes is one of the most popular and known G.I. Joe characters. The dude is a complete badass. Even the creator, Larry Hama, called this character the most successful character he had ever created. That is high praise for all the characters Hama created. Why not? Snake Eyes is by far one of the coolest characters, along with his arch-nemesis, Storm Shadow.
Let’s give some background on this iconic character and show some respect. Snake Eyes is the code name of an illustrious G.I. Joe Team member. Here is the thing, this is one of the most mysterious characters in the G.I. Joe universe. Dude is a straight-up ninja, and much of his life, history, and everything you can think of for a commando is a mystery. Dude is like Jason Bourne, but maybe way more badass. This is what makes this dude so popular and great because you don’t know anything about him. The dude’s skill is extraordinary. She can use almost any weapon, but he is a black belt in 12 different styles. Dude should do MMA. He wields a freakin katana and is a master ninja. How can you not like Snake Eyes?
If you haven’t seen the first two films, you are in luck because you really don’t need to watch them to understand this film. Now, I want to know how you take such a badass and legendary character and give him a shit-ass film. This film tried too hard and threw out everything the first two films did. Sorry, I said you really didn’t need to watch the first two films to understand this film. My bad.
How does the legend of Snake Eyes start based on this film? A young boy and his dad are discovered by a crazy ass group. The father is forced to roll dice to determine his fate, and of all the combinations, he manages to roll double ones and is killed. The son manages to escape. Twenty years later, the boy is now known as “Snake Eyes” and is outed by Yakuza boss Kenta Takamura. Kenta makes a deal with Snake Eyes. If he agrees to join Kenta’s criminal organization, he will help him find his father’s killer. Snake Eyes is also asked to execute Kenta’s cousin, Tommy, who reveals that he is in line to lead the Arashikage clan, an ancient ninja society. Kenta was banished for trying to kill Tommy, and with Snake Eyes’ help, he can finally gain control. During a shootout, Snake Eyes manages to save Tommy’s life. Kenta stages the shootout for Snake Eyes to gain his trust with the ultimate goal of stealing the “Jewel of the Sun.”
Hope you are with me. The following third of this film was all about Snake Eyes’ training. Tommy brings him to the family base to be initiated. Snake Eyes must do three trials to prove he is worthy. Each trial is against a clan’s Headmaster. This was actually the interesting part of the film. The first trial was to seize a bowl of water from the clan’s Headmaster. Snake gets his ass handed to him a few times until he shows humility. The second trial is with the clan’s Blind Master, which to me was to face your fear, which was his father. The third test was facing giant ass anacondas. These anacondas don’t want none unless you’re pure of heart, hun. They attack, but Snake Eyes is saved by Akiko, and he is thrown out. What a waste of training and time. Snake Eyes breaks into the temple and steals the jewel.
The film goes into overdrive, and the ending was the best part when Snake Eyes delivers the jewel to Kenta, and the dude goes power-hungry and gains some fire powers. He goes around burning everything. He goes to the base to destroy it. You know shit hits the fan when Cobra and G.I. Joe team up to stop this dude. I’m talking about Major Scarlett O’Hara and the Baroness teaming up, and it was strange to see. They defeat Kenta with Tommy gaining the jewel and using its powers. The film’s ending was trash and one of my biggest problems. Sen strips Tommy of his birthright and throws him out for breaking the unbreakable vow of never using the jewel. Pissed, Tommy blames Snake Eyes and vows to kill him if they are to meet again. Snake Eyes is given his iconic black suit and joins G.I. Joe, while Tommy dons white, joins Cobra, and tells the world to call him Storm Shadow.
The first half of the film was good because you see the background life of Snake Eyes. This is more about how Tommy becomes Storm Shadow. What happened to show Snake Eyes become a badass dual-wielding fool? What happened to the entire vow of silence like the first two movies started? This film had a plan, deviated from the plan and decided to focus more on Storm Shadow. I wanted more. The concept was cool, but the execution was lacking. One minute, he does three trials; the next, he is a member of the G.I. Joe. What leader was killed for him to take that vow of silence? He had two teachers!
I won’t rip Henry Golding. I thought he was a great choice for this film. He made Snake Eyes fun to watch, as he was funny and showed he had a personality. However, he could only do so much to hold this film up. If they make a sequel or even a YouTube short, he needs to be it. Hell, if G.I. Joe can get a sequel, this one can.
Honestly, the film isn’t that bad. It’s not great, but it isn’t God-awful. The trailer is the best thing out of everything. The trailer for this film got me hyped, and when you have ASAP Ferg’s New Level, you know you have a bomb ass trailer cause that shit was awesome to watch. If only the film was the same way and put the same effort into the film.
