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Rating: 0.5 out of 5
I don’t know what it is, but maybe Fantastic Four shouldn’t be part of superhero movie lore. For some odd reason, the Fantastic Four team just seems to fail every single time. How is it what some consider the first family of superheroes can’t get off the ground properly? Most people think this is the second reboot of this superhero family, but it is actually the THIRD version. I remember the first version when the awful Super Mario Brothers came out. It was one of the previous for that film, and I was pumped than to see it. I even asked my mom about the team, but that film never saw the light of day for me.
Fast forward to 2015, and we get ANOTHER reboot of the family of superheroes or a retelling of their origin. Now Fantastic Four is part of Marvel, but this film is made by 20th Century Fox before they were acquired by the empire called Disney. The first reboot was okay. This reboot definitely fell flat on its ass by trying once again to tell the story of Reed Richards, Sue and Johnny Storm, Ben Grimm, aka The Thing and Dr. Doom. For a movie that was only 100 minutes long, it sure did feel like a mind-numbing experience that left me less intelligent than I wanted to be. I will say this, if you star as Johnny Storm, you are DESTINED to be cast in another Marvel film and do big things.
This blah of a film starts off with the curious beginnings of the friendship between Reed Richards and Ben Grimm. A young Reed Richards does a presentation for his class and states that he wants to be the first person to teleport through dimensions. It is a very high-tech talk for a kid that looks like he is in elementary or even middle school. While his classmates laugh at him, Ben takes an interest in it. Reed sneaks out of his house and into the Grimm’s family junkyard to steal a transformer to help supply energy to his tiny teleportation device. The thing is hooked up to more Nintendo 64s than anything else in the world. Well, the teleportation device malfunctions and sends a blackout to the whole neighborhood. The film flashes forward to the present day. Reed (Teller) and Ben (Bell) give a presentation at a school’s science fair. The machine seems to work but burns out before making the gym rumble, and a basketball backboard explode. The invention catches the eye of Dr. Franklin Storm (Cathey). Dr. Storm decides to hire Reed to work at the Baxter Institute, which has been trying to solve the mystery of Planet Zero, the place where Reed’s teleported objects always end up.
The middle of the film sets up the family’s superhero origin. We get an introduction to Dr. Storms’s two kids. You want to talk about a diverse and blended family. The Storm family is definitely blended and diverse. Dr. Storm’s pride and joy is his the super-intelligent, science-minded Sue Storm (Mara) and her juvenile delinquent brother Johnny (Jordan). The introduction of Johnny was one where you could be annoyed by him but nothing on the Chris Evan’s version. Dr. Strom proceeds to recruit his prized protégé and comic’s arch-nemesis, Dr. Victor von Doom (Kebbell), once again. Doom is an ego-maniac and looks down on Richards. If you want some drama in the team, Doom used to be Sue’s boyfriend and doesn’t like how they do their nerdy flirt with each other. The movie progresses with the completion of the teleportation machine. As usual, the government steps in and states that the team will not be first to travel. Like knuckleheads, Reed and Johnny share a drink with Victor as they lament this news. They decide that they will teleport themselves. Reed calls Ben and invites him to join them. The four guys suit up and teleport themselves to Planet Zero. Things seem right on the new planet when one touches a green substance, and all hell breaks loose. The crew runs back to the teleportation pods, but a wave of radiation hits all of them, even Sue, on the outside but wait, they leave Victor behind. The team wakes up with newfound powers, with even Reed leaving the team behind to find a cure in some South American country. Oh, but wait, the team finds out that Victor is alive and well. That begins a fight for the ages.
I don’t even know where to begin with this lifeless, pathetic, worthless use of a superhero movie. Oh, did I make my intentions known right there? Well, it was utterly terrible!! Good thing this wasn’t an actual Marvel movie made by the Marvel powerhouse that is today because this would’ve been a MAJOR stain on its reputation.
The whole initial start of the story by finding a new planet for resources was a nice touch. That seems like it is today, but my god, did this film drag on. It dragged on with the whole building process and trying to get to the planet. When we finally get to the new world or dimension or whatever you want to call it, it is unstable. So unstable that it sends a radiation wave through time and space. In the other version, the whole thing happened in space. Whatever it takes to give people powers, I guess.
Then the inevitable downward spiral. The movie becomes a mess with rather than seeing the heroes trying to learn and control their powers in the previous version, we get them becoming military weapons. When everything first started, Reed’s punk ass does his stretchy thing and climbs through the events. When his homeboy, Ben, has a breakdown because he is a rock dude, homeboy decides to leave because it’s his fault and somewhat abandons him and finds a cure. Where does this dude go? He freakin goes to the jungle and changes his appearance to avoid detection. Well, that didn’t quite work as Sue finds him, and they capture him. Johnny and Ben are recruited by the army to fight enemies and have flawless records. First, how is this a superhero movie when the crew isn’t even saving people? Iron Man went to another village and saved people.
I was okay with all that even though it was boring, but the last 20 minutes of the whole film was POINTLESS! We spent a fair bit in one area, and then all of a sudden, the movie says, “Hey! Doom is alive, and we need to go get him.” I don’t know what the freak they did to Doom. Rather than having Doom with his classic mask and outfit, this version fused with his spacesuit that makes his face look metal and gives him some bright, green glowy eyes. Oh, he also possesses telekinetic abilities that would make Darth Vader blush with excitement. Living in the world has warped the dude’s mind so much that he believes all humans should be wiped off the face of the earth and build the world in his image. Classic villain move right there. The final battle with Doom was so rushed that it shouldn’t even have been in the whole film. It was a complete waste of time for a quick resolution to this overall terrible movie.
The CGI was pretty bad also. Doom’s look was one thing, but what the hell was up with The Thing and how Johnny Storm looked in fire form. The Thing looked like a jacked-up version of itself. The face was quite freaky. Planet Zero had this whole vibe of not wanting to be there. The final fight was a mess of CGI and everything else with it.
Now the cast was almost right. To me, the cast was wasted on this terrible movie. Miles Teller as Reed Richards wasn’t a wrong choice. I think Teller is a good actor, and he has that nerdy aspect about him that makes him a good Reed. It’s just that the film failed his acting and was a complete waste. Kate Mara as Sue Storm was a bore. I like Mara, but she seems like a total bore in this film. I don’t know if she was trying too hard to be smart, but she didn’t seem to have any emotions. I couldn’t tell if she was happy or sad for half of the film. Jamie Bell as Ben Grimm was cool, but he seemed a little bit darker than the previous version. He had some real hate for him, but damn, the CGI was terrible. Last but not least is Michael B. Jordan as Johnny Storm. Jordan is a total G when he does his roles. Even though he had that bad boy attitude, he always makes it look cool. Like all the Johnny Storms in the world, he found his next stop in Marvel as Killmonger. Maybe people should play Johnny Storm because Chris Evans did, and he became Captain America.
For the love of everything that you love in this world, please don’t watch this movie. This movie will make you disappointed. I think Marvel is once again about to reboot this film. With Marvel’s power and the minds behind it, maybe for once, we can get a decent Fantastic Four movie.
