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Rating: 1 out of 5
There have been so many adaptations of Alexandre Dumas, The Three Musketeers that I am starting to lose count of them. It seems like everyone makes a version of this book, and I don’t know if they are getting better or worse. Disney had a cartoon version of the famous novel, and that was pretty good. Then there was this 2001 version called The Musketeer that was very loosely based on the book and imitated Asian action movies. Once again, if there is a version or style you want to see of this novel, it is probably out there.
If you have forgotten about the novel, here is a very quick rundown. It was written, once again, by French author Alexandre Dumas. The book recounts the adventures of a young man named D’Artagnan, who leaves home and travels to Paris, hoping to join the elite Musketeers of the Guard. On his way, he offends three people, not knowing that they are some of the best Musketeers around. The individuals are Athos, Porthos, and Aramis, who is known throughout as the Three Musketeers. The book mainly talks about how they save France and the King.
Directed by Paul W. S. Anderson comes a new version of The Three Musketeers that shows action, fighting, flying boats, assassins, kings that can’t seem to rule, and some things that don’t make sense, but hey, it’s an action movie. The film starts off with the introduction of the Musketeers in some grand way showing off their skills. In Venice, the musketeers Athos (Macfadyen), Porthos (Stevenson), and Aramis (Evans), with the help of Milady de Winter (Jovovich), steal airship blueprints made by Leonardo da Vinci grandly and spectacularly. Milady slid under the deadly traps like she the ancestor of Indiana Jones. With the blueprints in hand, they are quickly betrayed by Milady. She incapacitates them and sells the blueprints to the Duke of Buckingham (Bloom). With this, Cardinal Richelieu (Waltz) disbands the Musketeers and puts in place his own guards. The film jumps to the young, skilled but often reckless, and ambitious D’Artagnan (Lerman), who is training with his father before leaving for Gascony to make his dream of becoming a Musketeer come true. His father’s last words of advice are to make mistakes and learn from them. In what seems like a span of two days, D’Artagnan manages to piss off EVERYONE. First, he is almost killed by Captain Rochefort (Mikkelsen), who only stops because Milady stops him. When he gets to the city, he manages to offend Athos, Porthos and Aramis on different occasions and challenges them all to duels. At the time of the duel, the three of them notice they have been challenged by the same person but soon are interrupted by the Cardinal’s guards. Sensing that danger is abound for France and the King, the Musketeers soon learns of a plot to get rid of the King. Now they must save the royal family and France from the harms of the Duke of Buckingham.
The biggest problem I have with this whole film is the story. It makes sense, but then it doesn’t. I know the producers and director were trying to make it more appealing with action, adventure, and comedy, but damn, did it mess it up royally. How hard is it to just take the book and make it into a movie with some over-the-top action scenes? It shouldn’t be that hard, but this film did it. Where the freak do airships come from? Were those even around back then? I know Leonardo da Vinci was a genius of his time but damn. The dude gets credit for every little thing back in the day and if you need to make a connection, just use his name. I ain’t mad at you. That’s what it means to be one of the greatest researchers of all time.
Also, what was up with how the King and Queen of France were portrayed. Were they married, or were they just around each other and didn’t talk? He was in love with the queen, but it seemed like he couldn’t say anything to her. How the freak did you meet in the first place. When the hell did D’Artagnan become best friends with the King and gave him some woman advice. When did D’Artagnan become such a pimp at picking up women? Dude just left his home a few days earlier. What was up between this rivalry between the King of France and the Duke of Buckingham? Was the Duke some type of fashion wizard because the King would get flustered when they wore different colors. Also, how can the Duke of Buckingham declare war on France? Where is the King of England around this time? The story and everything about it were confusing.
The action scenes were the best part of this movie, even if they were over the top. They were actually fun and entertaining to watch. In the beginning, when you had one of the Musketeers come from the water looking like the creature from the black lagoon and then another jumping from a high point like he was a character in Assassin’s Creed. The sword fighting was all really well done and fluent. Yea, it was over the top, but sometimes you need a very entertaining sword fight to make up for a bad plot of a film. Actually, the whole airship fight scene was downright blah because it just seemed entirely out of place around that time period. Then the King was excited to finally get one even though it was utterly destroyed.
As far as the acting goes, it was a mixed bag of performances. Some were really good, and some were meh. Logan Lerman as D’Artagnan was okay. I wasn’t really impressed with him in this film. He wasn’t over the top, which was a good thing, but it seemed like he was missing something. Like the character was one thing in the beginning and then went another way. Matthew Macfadyen as Athos was one of the best performances. He was intense and stern when he needed to be and then a miserable person because his wife left him. Ray Stevenson as Porthos seemed to be the funny one of the group. He was serious but knew his strength could get him by. He sure wasn’t the thinker of the group. Luke Evans as Aramis was the calm one. He always seems like the calm and collective one in all his films, and this one didn’t change at all with the way I thought about him.
Milla Jovovich as Milady de Winter was okay. She was better as Alice in the Resident Evil films. Actually, she played almost the same role skill-wise but not acting-wise. If you see both movies, then you know what I mean. Mads Mikkelsen as Captain Rochefort was one of the best characters. He was ruthless and didn’t give a damn about anyone. He practiced his sword fighting because he didn’t want to get rusty or fall against an enemy. He was cunning also, for when he was challenged to a duel, the dude just straight up shot him because he didn’t want to fight and was smarted than the other person. Straight up gangster move right there. Juno Temple as Queen Anne was cool. She was sweet and innocent who sometimes put her foot down. As King Louis XIII, Freddie Fox was a complete airhead and spent most of the film talking about clothes and how to make Queen Anne love him. Orlando Bloom as Duke of Buckingham just annoyed me. I felt like he was in the film to be a villain but wasn’t really around that often, and his primary role was to just annoy the King of France. Christoph Waltz, as Cardinal Richelieu, took a step down from his award-winning films. He doesn’t need to be as intense all the time. Come in, do some lines and go home. Finally, James Corden as Planchet was James Corden. The comic relief of the whole film that didn’t provide many laughs.
This version of the Three Musketeers was meh. It had its moments with the action scenes and some of the acting. Yet, the whole story and direction ultimately fail this film. Honestly, there is not much to say other than watch another version of the Three Musketeers. There are plenty of them out in the world you can watch.
