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Rating: 0.25 out of 5
A Haunted House is a trash film. I can’t believe I wasted an hour and a half of my life watching this terrible film. It was a LONG hour and a half because the film was not funny or entertaining. Some movies shouldn’t be made, and this was one of them. The sad part is this film was a “box-office hit,” making 460 million off a $2 million budget. It made no sense, and then they made a sequel. Why does the world work like this? I don’t know how this film made $60 million.
I don’t even want to spend time writing about this film, but I have to do it. It was directed by Michael Tiddes but written, produced, and starred Marlon Wayans. The film is a parody of Paranormal Activity with “found footage.” The film starts with the same thing about it being a true story or unexplained things that were completely stupid to read. In August 2012, Kisha (Atkins) moved in with Malcolm (Waynes). As Kisha arrives, she accidentally runs over and kills Malcolm’s beloved dog, Shiloh. On the first night together, Malcolm is expecting to have sex, but Kisha is not in the mood. That night, Kisha’s loud and nasty farting keeps Malcolm awake and drives him away. The following day, Kisha complains about her keys being on the floor and tells Malcolm they might have a ghost. He hires one of the most incompetent cameramen in Dan and his brother to prove her wrong. After that, they have a psychic come over to investigate, and things become really stupid and weird. Kisha has sex with the ghost, and then even more craziness ensues.
I’m sorry if I don’t feel into writing a review about this film or if it is really short. The film was a complete waste of time, and I still can’t believe I sat through it and watched the whole movie. The movie was a dull joke, with sex being at the forefront. Malcolm wanted to make a sex tape with Kisha, and the jokes fell flat. The first night was a sex scene between Malcolm and his stuffed animals. It might’ve been okay if it had been a few quick seconds, but the scene went on for a good three to five minutes and was utterly cringeworthy. To follow-up that awful scene, we are introduced to a farting scene that might make you chuckle the first one but after it, it became dumb and uncomfortable.
The movie proceeded to become stupider with the various characters in the film. First, the whole Rosa and watching her on tape was stupid. As the fan goes back and forth from the hallway to the kitchen, we see Rosa saying she doesn’t speak Spanish, having a drug business, and having sex. Another character was Jenny and Steve, a couple who loves to have orgies with black men. The sexual references this couple makes about having sex with blacks were okay for one second, but the joke went on and on and on and on. After a while I got really boring. The whole Chip the Psychic scenes were over the top and cringe also. We get it, Chip; you are gay and attractive to Malcolm. Don’t get me started on the whole Doug scene. I was utterly done with this film when he came on and opened up his mouth.
I’m not going to keep trying to write a review on this stupid ass film. Don’t spend one second watching this film. You will regret spending any time pressing play and watching this film. I regret it and will go out to buy beer to drown out my sorrows because it was that bad.
