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Rating: 0.5 out of 5
One of the most famous conquerors in history was Alexander III of Macedon or known in history as Alexander the Great. A man tutored by the great Aristotle, had one of the most famous libraries in the known world and never lost a battle and is considered one of history’s most successful military commanders. Alexander was a king whose main endeavored to reach the “ends of the world and the Great Outer Sea.” At one point, his empire stretched from the Adriatic Sea to the Beas River, where he conquered the mighty Persia Empire along with India.
Now with a great man in history, one would think that a movie would come to show his conquest. Director Oliver Stone and star Colin Farrell decided to take up this goal. With a runtime of almost three freakin hours comes one of the worst movies to dawn the screen. Not only does this film make zero sense in the form of direction and acting, but it is also a mess where Alexander the Great wouldn’t feel so great or mighty after watching it.
The film’s original screenplay derived in part from the book Alexander the Great. This movie traces the Macedonian conqueror’s short but adventurous life, Alexander the Great (Farrell), who conquered almost the entire known world of his era. Born as the son of King Philip II (Kilmer) and Olympias (Jolie), to ascending the throne at age twenty upon his father’s murder. Alexander set on a company that crossed into Asia on his eleven-year conquest of the known world. His conquest led him of all the known world was legendary, but with great power comes enemies from all sides who feared that no matter what, he would always want more land and never wants to see his home again.
There are so many issues with this film that I don’t know where to start. I guess we can start with the story of this film. How the hell do you mess up a historical movie. There is a beginning, middle, and end. It should be a nice straight line. This film bounces all over the place with time. One second we see Alexander as a kid in school, and then the next, an adult fighting some army. This is told through Ptolemy’s eyes; it is like the old man started with one place and then got confused and jumped to another point. I’m not saying jumping around in time is wrong because some movies do it perfectly, just not this movie. That is the one frustrating thing about it.
When the story jumps all over the place, you cant get a great feel of what is going on. I really didn’t know if Alexander and his father got along because in one scene, when young Alexander rides the horse, his father lifts him in the air in such pride. Then we get a scene where Alexander is with his men after conquering Babylon. Some of his generals state that even though his father was a proud man, he would’ve been happy. The whole relationship with his mother was also confusing as hell. Did the dude like his parents are not??
Alexander the Great is known for his military conquest, so you should obviously see many battles. This film showed just ONE battle-the one against Darius and the Persia army. That battle wasn’t even that good or grand like in other movies. Most of the movie revolves around Alexander going to India and Asia and having his men bicker at him or among themselves because they want to go home. It makes it for a very, very dull movie.
One thing that seemed to show up a lot in the film is the sexual orientation of Alexander. Hephaestion was the main one of this theme as they were together all the time. Even when Alexander got married, he kept his eye on exotic men with long hair. Yet, his friendship with Hephaestion was the main thing everyone looked at, and the film showed the most.
As far as the acting goes, Colin Farrell was all over the place with this. Also, did Alexander have blonde hair? That seemed like something that didn’t make any sense. Farrell seemed to try so hard that it wasn’t even funny. I didn’t know what I was watching. Then all the other actors seemed to be out of place like this movie.
I would say the cinematography was grand, but it was also crap when you watched it. In the battle scenes, it was all over the place, and half the time, you just saw dirt clouds all over the place. Even when they were standing on a mountain, it seemed out of place and a waste of overall time. No wonder this film sucked and was horrible because nothing made sense.
Alexander the Great would be disappointed if he ever saw this movie. If a film is going to be three hours long, at least make it somewhat decent and not a waste of everyone’s time. I don’t know what Stone was directing, but it sure wasn’t a great movie. Farrell, this wasn’t the movie for you. If you want to watch something unique with Alexander the Great, watch the anime Fate/Zero.
