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Rating: 3.75 out of 5
Nothing defines the 80s like an Arnold Schwarzenegger film. The former Governator and man who was Mr. Olympia seven times, he made action films like no one’s business. Schwarzenegger was a force to be reckoned with in the 80s and 90s. Have you seen the dude when he was younger? The man’s biceps were so big it made the Rock’s arms look like pebbles. As an action movie star, Schwarzenegger made many films, but this time, we get to talk about Commando.
Commando is one of those films that is an entire Schwarzenegger action film: classic one-liners, plenty of over-the-top action, and a straightforward storyline. Get ready to see how a commando rolls. Schwarzenegger stars as John Matrix, a retired U.S. Army Colonel living a secluded life with his daughter, Jenny (Milano). Matrix is known in the army world as being the one who completed dangerous missions. After several of his former team were killed, his former C.O. shows up to tell him about the death of his men and that his identity might have been compromised. After the C.O. leaves, Matrix is attacked, and his daughter is kidnapped. Matrix learns that the man who ordered the attack was one of his own, a man named Bennet (Wells). Bennet, thought to be killed, harbors an intense hatred towards Matrix but is currently employed by a South American dictator who he helped gain power. The dictator wants Matrix to kill the man who is now President and has decided to use Matrix’s daughter as leverage. The dictator gives Matrix 11 hours or the death of his daughter. Matrix must return to what he knows best and kill everyone to regain his daughter.
I have to admit that I wasn’t expecting much from this film but damnit, I was freakin entertained to the max. It’s over the top, has those cheesy and sometimes cringy one-liners and action scenes that will truly make you laugh because they are so outrageous. As explained in the overview, the story is easy to understand. Matrix’s old team is killed, and his little girl is kidnapped, but one from his old team by a dude who wants to overthrow a country. This is when shit gets real, and hilarity ensues because Arnold is a one-man wrecking machine. When you need to whip ass, take zero names, and look badass, you call on Arnold. The story wasn’t bad because you knew the mission and why. It didn’t try to confuse you. You knew homeboy’s daughter was kidnapped, and Matrix would go H.A.M. on everyone involved.
I don’t know where to start with the action and outrageous scenes. First, when Matrix’s house is attacked, he is tranquilized and told he will assassinate a leader for a dictator who wants control. While on the plane, Matrix kills his guard by breaking his neck and then jumping out of the aircraft from the wheels into the water. Arnold got legs of steel. Things get really crazy when Matrix goes to the mall and recruits Cindy to help because she is being hit on by Sully, one of the men who kidnapped Matrix’s daughter. Cindy betrays his ass because she thinks he is a madman and tells the cops. One cop thought he was big and bad because he was hitting on a woman and rolls up on Matrix. Here, I had to laugh out loud. Ten to fifteen cops couldn’t take Matrix. Matrix even ripped a freakin phonebooth off the wall and threw it. When Cindy and Matrix did a car chase after Sully, Matrix ripped the seat out of the car. Crazy strong. Also, the whole going to get weapons was crazy because Matrix got everything imaginable.
The film’s climax was everything you want in an Arnold action film. Matrix arrives on the island and starts shooting and blowing shit up. Is it laughable? Yes, it is, but damnit, it is entertaining to watch. Arnold throws grenades, and people fly all over the place. It didn’t seem that Matrix got hurt from facing a massive army for a while, but he did sustain a scratch. When he fought against Bennett, it was everything with knives and then bad acting. The final line was funny because it was such an Arnold movie quote.
The acting is meh because, let’s be real, we are not watching this film for the acting. Arnold did a good job playing his traditional strong, badass role. There really isn’t much to say about the performance. He was funny when he needed to be, but most of all, the dude has muscles on top of muscles. I really need to get back in the gym and lift some heavy ass weight. Rae Dawn Chong as Cindy was okay. She played the complaining woman constantly throughout the film. I understand because her life was just turned upside down but damn. It didn’t have to be this bad. You were a little too much. Finally, the film has a young Alyssa Milano as Jenny Matrix.
Commando is one of those films you can watch as background noise or want something with action and nothing else. Did I enjoy it? You bet your ass I did. Who wouldn’t like cheesy one-liners, over-the-top action, and that high-top haircut looking like Col. Guile? Priceless movie. Have fun watching Arnold being Arnold.
BONUS CLIP!!!!!!!
