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Rating: 0.75 out of 5
Tubi is on a roll with movies that you never heard of and can’t help but to watch because the title is so outrageous that it sucks you in. The movie this time was ironically titled, Don’t F**k in the Woods. Wouldn’t dream of it, but hey, if you want to get your freak on and be adventurous, you might as well get it on publicly. This time we have a horror movie that is more confusing and more of a B movie than anything else. Guess what? The film has a freakin sequel.
Don’t F**k in the Woods is a film that starts off how you might think the title suggests. We are introduced to two characters camping and drinking. They start to get a little touchy when they decide to go into their tent and get it on. As they are getting busy, a monster bursts through the tent and kills the man before killing the woman. The film then jumps to a group of friends. They are an unlikely group of friends who love horror films and decide to head into the woods for fun, including drinking, smoking, hooking up, and finding their friend. Things are going well until shit hits the fan. As the tents bump in the night and the sexual activity increases, a monster who smells the scent of sex attacks and kills all. Yup, you read that correctly.
My curiosity really took the best of me with this title. With a title like that, your curiosity is high because you want to see outrageous this film could be. The film is a B movie; if you’ve seen any B movies, you know what I am talking about. The quality looks like it is straight from a high-production video camera, the acting is meh at best, and the storyline will have you either laughing or scratching your head.
Let’s get this show on the road with the story. The story was about people having sex in the woods and getting killed. The film took every imaginable second to get people naked. The sex scenes were like a porn. Hell, porn could’ve done better, but that is a story for another day. The monster was something that could’ve been explained more. You have no idea why or how the monster was created and why it sniffed out people having sex. The monster had an extremely powerful sex nose to find anyone in the woods having sex. When I mean anyone, it found anyone. In one scene, a dude came out and started masturbating. Next thing you know, this big ass monster kills him.
The acting was not the greatest. It was the typical lousy film where many of the actors and actresses seemed to need a job or put some credits on their movie resume. Hey, whatever works and gets your foot through the door. Pretty much if you could kiss, drink and get your freak on, you were good for this film. There isn’t really anything nice to say about the acting, and rather than destroying everyone, we shall move on and respect people trying.
The ending was way over the top. It was laughable but also entertaining. I have to admit, I was invested in the film at this point and saw that I shouldn’t turn back. The lead actress squares off against the monster after it kills all her friends. I’m talking about having a gun and managing to miss everything until the very last shot, where the monster explodes. You always need a great explosion in a film. The girl manages to walk off into the woods. The end.
If you want to watch a movie that is a B movie, then look no further than this film. Many of the performers are either adult performers, or this was their first time doing a film. The story is simple but awful to watch. Hey, might as well get it on in the woods and see what happens rather than watch this film. You have been warned.
