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Rating: 0.5 out of 5
I remember when Doom first came out. It was back in 1993, and the game was crazy and violent but also awesome. Doom and Duke Nukem went hand in hand back when I was growing up. I started playing the first Doom game two years after launch as I was too young, but it was still awesome to play. You played a space marine that seemed to fight endless waves of demons from hell or whatever. I remember always looking for health, armor, and weapons. When you get a badass weapon, it does damage until you get a freak hard-ass demon that took up way more ammunition than it needed to. Doom was a pioneer in the gaming world and is considered one of the greatest games ever made.
A little while ago, I was watching my favorite YouTuber, Jacksepticeye, playing Doom Eternal. The game was intense, violent, and over the top. It got me thinking about the Doom film starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. It had been years since I watched that film, and it had my curiosity juices running. All I could remember of the film was the first-person view; that seemed awesome then. I decided, what the hell, I might as well watch the movie again. Well, the film version of Doom was just as terrible or even more terrible than what I remember. God damn you, video game movies!!!
What is this video game film about? Well, in 2026, a wormhole portal called the Ark is discovered in Nevada, of all places, leading to an ancient Mars city. After twenty-five years, humans have successfully colonized the planet Mars. The Union Aerospace Corporation (UAC) has funded the scientists who live and do research on Mars. Scientists have been doing experiments when things go horribly wrong. When a distress call is sent by one of the scientists, a squad of eight marines is sent to the research facility. The team includes squad leader Sgt. Asher “Sarge” Mahonin (Johnson), “Duke” (Adoti), “Goat” (Daniels), “Destroyer” (Oparei), Portman (Brake), “Mac” (Chin), “Kid” (Weaver), and John “Reaper” Grimm (Urban). Their orders are to search and destroy, with UAC only wanting to retrieve computer data from their anthropology, archeology, and genetics experiments. “Reaper” is told to hang back as his sister and lead scientist, Samantha Grimm (Pike), is one of the ones in danger. When the group arrives and starts to investigate, they soon learn that hellish monsters are on the loose with the goal of death and destruction. As they fight against the evil monsters, they soon discover the truth of a bigger conspiracy on Mars.
This film is a complete dumpster fire of a video game movie. Holy shit, I didn’t think it was this bad, and my mind went utterly numb watching it. Hell, I would personally put on a Doom suit and try to whip as much ass as possible, then watch this film all over again. I felt like I had seen the story before of scientists on Mars, and some shit happens, and people need to be saved. It always seems that one of the rescuers is related to someone on the mission that causes major problems. The film is all over the place with all of this. You never actually see Mars. Hell, this film could’ve taken in some underground facility.
The film takes a turn when the Marines explore the science facility and seem to go underground. This is when the monsters come out and kill each member. The Rock’s overacting goes into high overdrive. We soon learn that past civilizations on Mars had 24 chromosomes that granted super strength and healing abilities. BUT WAIT!!!! The chromosome has the ability to root out good and evil in a person. If you are evil, it will turn a person into a raging monster who needs some serious lotion. Humans with good in their hearts stay the same and gain serious powers. Strange, I know, but you just have to roll with it. Ultimately, we get a pretty awful final battle scene between The Rock, who needs some lotion and cosmetic surgery, and Urban’s character.
I want to take a second to talk about the first-person fighting scene. At the time, I thought it looked cool. Yes, 20-year-old me thought it was something new to watch. Now, it is just flat-out bad. The concept was good, but the execution was downright awful. The effects were all over the place. It seemed to place monsters in a shitty background. It seemed like they got the idea of playing the game and were like, let’s throw this shit in. The best part of the whole scene was when Reaper fought against the chair like a dog. Always need to have a handy chainsaw around to help you in the shootout.
The acting is beyond bad. Many of the characters were utterly useless. The kid had this scared underacting performance where he was high. Portman was the crazy crackhead that was on edge, made sexual jokes, and seemed to constantly complain. Yet, the one who took the cake was The Rock. You can tell that the Rock was pretty new to the acting game, and I didn’t know who told him to act like that. The director needs to be fired and retake some classes. All the Rock did was curse, and when the camera came close to him seemed to go way overboard. After a while, it became laughable and unbearable to watch.
Doom is one of those video game movies that can be greatly skipped. Actually, like most video game films, it is pretty bad, and you can just play the game instead. It might be best just to play the games repeatedly because you wouldn’t waste precious brain cells.
