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Rating: 1 out of 5
I want to ask a question?? When should a horror movie be remade? Should a horror movie ever be remade? Some horror movies can top their predecessor and show the world that yep, that was a good film? Or maybe a horror movie villain was forgotten, and they make a comeback to the mind’s eye. Usually around Halloween or so. Well, this review is on the remake of Friday the 13th. The time of year when Jason Voorhees somehow rises from the dead to terrorize everyone at a camp. After his stellar appearance in Freddy vs. Jason, the horror villain needed to show he still got it with his mask and machete. Well, I am sorry to say that this Friday the 13th film should’ve stayed buried or better yet, at the camp he lived at.
This was way less a horror movie than it was how to brutally kill someone. I get it, Jason is a brutal person and a brutal killer but DAMN, can we think about having some element of surprise or horror. The first part of the story didn’t even resemble the original film. This was more like the first three films in one, and it was still a major bore. The first section of the whole movie that was about 10 minutes long showed how Jason almost drowned and then his mother going psycho, which is the original movie. Then we go to some college kids who love to smoke that weed and have that sex. This is where the first unwanted and unneeded killing spree happens. How you going to burn a girl naked in a sleeping bag? After Jason kills everyone, but a girl named Whitney, he just disappears and takes Whitney with him. Guess he needed someone to talk to. Now the movie takes a complete and utter nose dive after this part, and one can either turn off the film or proceed. I already warned you.
Now, I don’t know about the second half of the film because it was unwanted and terrible also. We go six weeks into the future where we are introduced to even more annoying characters. Finally, we get the point of the whole freakin’ movie. Clay Miller (Padalecki) is riding around searching for his missing sister Whitney (Dun Dun Dunnnnnn)! The rich prick of the friend group thinks he is all that, but honestly, he is a dick. The friends spend time at the rich dude’s lake house, and this is when Jason takes it upon himself to clean house.
First, let’s talk about how boring this movie and the story was. It was just a bore in all ways, shapes, and forms. NOTHING WAS SCARY ABOUT IT! There were no jump scares. Nothing that made me want to cover my eyes. Nothing. Everything about this film was beyond predictable and then some. It almost got to the point where you could guess what was going to happen and who was going to get killed at a specific time. The movie really didn’t need the whole first section of people getting killed. Could’ve saved that time making the story a little bit better than this piece of turtle crap.
What is up with the kills. Is this 1000 ways to die or something? We get it that Jason is a brutal killer but come on with all the killing that looked beyond out of this world. He literally took a bow and arrow and shot it like he was an Olympic archer. How about my old-time girl Willa Ford getting killed? You sure did wanna be bad. Great shot of your breasts before dying. No need to see them, but it was a little added bonus to this terrible movie.
What was the deal with Jason? I knew Jason was like 6 feet whatever, but dude has been lifting all the weights in the world and then some. Dude looked like the hulk with a mask on. Well maybe Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in a hockey mask. When he stood on the edge of the lake looking out at Willa Ford’s character, you were like what lifting program you been on and have you been juicing.
Overall, this was a film that didn’t do the Friday the 13th franchise any justice. Actually, it probably set it a few years back. Maybe the franchise is officially dead, and Jason can hang up his mask once and for all. I would believe that, but anyone who has seen Jason X knows that it will be another Jason movie in the works. Maybe that one can be a tad bit more entertaining than this one. Here is hoping. Actually, might be better off talking to a cute black cat near a ladder.
