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There are some movies that you watch again and think to yourself, “Why the hell did I even waste my time watching this movie.” Ghost Ship is one of those movies. A movie that pretty much so laughable that it tries to take all the scary aspects from a haunted house and put it on a cruise ship. The slow creaking of a door, dead bodies everywhere, ghosts and spooks.
Let’s just make this easier. Take the classic horror film Poltergeist and throw it on a cruise ship. The only difference is, Poltergeist was 20 times better than this piece of movie crap. It went from a haunted house to a haunted Carnival or Royal Caribbean cruise.
Ghost Ship starts off with a celebration aboard the Italian ocean liner SS Antonia Graza. Many of the wealthy passengers dance on the deck of the ship to a lounge singer. Things are going along when the ship’s captain asks a young girl, Katie Harwood (Browning), to dance as she was sitting alone. Things seem to be going great when a hand, pulls a lever as a thin wire cord from a spool begins to tighten and then snap. The wire whips through the deck, cutting people in half. Katie manages to live due to her height and the captain sacrificing his life for her. As Katie looks on in horror, she screams as the screen goes black. 40 years later, a salvage crew brings home a small ship for a small fortune. The salvage crew is led by Murphy (Gabriel Byrne) and Epps (Julianna Margulies). The crew of the salvage crew is Greer (Isaiah Washington), Dodge (Ron Eldard), Munder (Karl Urban), and Santos (Alex Dimitriades). During celebrating their recent fortunes, a man named Ferriman (Desmond Harrington), a weather spotter for the Royal Canadian Air Force, shows the crew some photos of the long-lost SS Antonia Graza. Intrigued by the prospects of wealth and fame, the crew sets off to retrieve their prize. Once onboard, they soon learn that the eerie cruise liner has more evils within it than any fortune can be had.
What does the film do right? Let me see?? Well, it is probably the mystery of what happened on the ship. Who wouldn’t be intrigued by a deserted ship? This element makes the story somewhat bearable. I must say that it’s not a ship that looks like a fun place to be. It is creepy, has a haunting feel to it, and downright has “NOPE” written all over it. I guess the other quality of the film that makes it interesting is wondering what actually happened on the ship. As Epps explores the ship, she notices bullet holes and casings on the ground. Things seem to appear out of nowhere or simply turn into their original form. Nothing spectacular but adds a little dimension to the whole film. When everything comes full circle, it’s not mind-blowing but does have a minor twist that will somewhat appease you and everything that went on.
Now on to the good stuff! What makes this movie so bad??? Well, for one, it is entirely predictable. There are no horror scenes in this film that will make you jump or feel scared. You pretty much know people are going to die. It’s just wondering how they will die. People out on the ocean on an abandon cruise ship, and no one dies? Yea, ok. The predictability is so high. Person falls through the floor, and a person struggles to help them up, but what do they see??? A person that is there and then disappears. Doors slowly opening or quickly closing as a crew person walks down the hall. Two idiots find food on the ship and start eating it like they had never had food before. They were beans. I could understand if they were Twinkies but BEANS! They are going to town on those beans. Let’s take a second to think about this. The ship has been lost at sea for 40 YEARS, and you just going to start eating food off it? You deserve to die for that stupidity. During the final battle, the shot that Epps takes is laughable. Homegirl has the accuracy of the world’s best shooter.
Should anyone waste their time on Ghost Ship? If you are really, really, REALLY bored and it is Halloween time, go right ahead. Pop some popcorn, kick up your feet, and have the time of your life. There are way better movies to watch than this one.
