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Welcome again to the series that keeps on giving. I know you love this series of Movies that Make You Go Huh? This time around we have some movies that deal with Vikings, barbarians and witch craft. These movies deal with sorcery and magic and I will say that they don’t leave you spellbound.
Pathfinder (2007)
There are some Viking films that are strong. Actually, there are some badass Viking shows out there that are really entertaining. Hell, there is even a great Viking anime. Pathfinder is one of the worst films I have laid my eyes upon. The story is so bad that Odin would rip out his other eye. The acting is so terrible that Thor would bang his head against his hammer. The action is so bad that Loki can find more entertaining things to do. There is no path to find if you watch this film.
Season of the Witch (2011)
I tried to watch this film and in the end I wanted my eyes to burn from my head. Starring the one and only Nicolas Cage and Ron Perlman, the two are Teutonic Knights who return from war and see their homeland ravaged by the Black Death. When two church elders accuse a woman of being a witch, they order the two knights to take her and have the curse lifted. The film is beyond boring with action scenes that make no sense and making you wish that something could take you away.
Seventh Son (2014)
Have you ever heard of the seventh son? Me either. Had to look it up. Apparently, the folklore concept is one must be the seventh male child born in an unbroken line with no female siblings born between, and to a father who himself is the seventh male child born in an unbroken line with no female siblings born between. Thank you, Wikipedia! No one cares but the film has many stars from Jeff Bridges, Alicia Vikander, Kit Harrington, and Julianne Moore AND IT STILL SUCKED ASS! The film made little sense and it just left you wanting to take a moment and not have any kids. Yep, forget having any kids who can fight demons.
Kull the Conqueror (1997)
I remember this film when it first came out. I thought it was a prequel to all the Conan films. Was I a naïve little kid. This film fell majorly flat with story, performance, special effects and everything else imaginable. This was supposed to be the third film in the Conan series but Arnold Schwarzenegger declined to reprise the role. Kevin Sorbo stepped in but didn’t want to do the same character, so Kull become the lead character. Beside the beautiful actresses in this film, might as well take the ax and fall on it.
Conan the Destroyer (1984)
Conan the Barbarian was a classic with the violence and story. Conan the Destroyer tried to go the more comedic route and failed pretty badly. The princess was beautiful. Yet it had Grace Jones running around with a spear and tall Wilt Chamberlain on this tiny ass horse. The story had a lot of potential but failed miserably as it tried to be funny with the jokes. After this film, it was a long time before Conan graced the screens.
