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Rating: 1 out of 5
Space movies can be hit or miss. You either have great ones like Alien, where the script is fantastic, the acting is spot on, and the elements of fear and what’s going on are high. Then you have ones that are meh like Event Horizon, which had great potential and ahead of its time but also really freakin strange. Then you have ones like Pandorum that almost makes absolutely terrible sense and need to never see the light of day.
Pandorum begins in the year 2174. The human race is on the brink of destruction as human overpopulation has depleted Earth’s resources. In a last-ditch effort, humanity has built an interstellar ark called the Elysium. It is launched to the planet Tanis, an Earth-like planet but is a 123-year trip from Earth. 60,000 people embark onboard the Elysium, where the inhabitants are placed in hypersleep while a rotating crew wakes biennially to maintain the ship. While traveling, Corporal Bower (Foster) suddenly awakes due to a malfunction in his chamber and drops to the floor, disoriented and having amnesia. As Bower tries to figure out where he is, Lieutenant Payton (Quaid) also awakens with the same disorientation and amnesia. The two men soon realize that the reactor is not working and provoking power surges in the ship. Unable to enter the bridge, Payton decides to stay behind to access the ship’s computer while Bower crawls through the ventilation system to search for the reactor. On the other side, Bower finds a disemboweled body and a wounded mechanic. With the mechanic’s last words, he tells him to escape from “them.” Sudden strange and terrifying noise summons a group of raging cannibalistic humanoids. Bower and Payton soon learn that deep space has more horrors inside than outside.
Honestly, I don’t know where to begin with this film. I guess we start with the story since that is the only thing that had potential. Why is it that with most space films, the spaceship either gets lost in space or thrown off course? This film is like Event Horizon crossed with cannibals crossed with a bad trip. So, this time around, human overpopulation depletes Earth’s resources, and humanity builds an interstellar ark called the Elysium with all their bright minds. It can only carry 60,000 people on a 123-year trip to colonize Tanis, an Earth-like planet. First off, where and how did you find this planet? 123-years away, and how did you say, oh damn, that can be our new home. Has anyone been out there before because if it takes 123 years, some shit can happen? Actually, things go crazy because the rotating crew that wakes biennially to maintain the ship and eight years into their journey, the ship receives a transmission from Earth: “You’re all that’s left of us. Good luck, God bless, and godspeed.” So, what happened? Did Earth blow up? I need answers, please?
This is where the movie becomes an utter and complete bore for me. You can honesty predict what is going to happen and know that either A) aliens are on board and terrorizing people, B) there has been a breach in the hull, and someone needs to patch it up, C) There is nothing to look at in space and several crew members has just lost their minds or D) They are off course, a boatload of people have turned into cannibals and eat anyone on sight. Actually, it could be a mixture of all the answers, but the movie wasted my time. The film seems to have really no direction, and I can’t make heads or tails about what is going on. First, is it on several crew members past like Bower and Payton? Do their past really help or hurt the actual story? Is this a psychological film? The film’s title is a form of psychosis called Orbital Dysfunctional Syndrome (ODS) caused by deep space and triggered by emotional stress. Well, there was a pretty good amount of emotional stress. Stress from watching this film.
Let’s talk about the creatures for a second. One of the cannibals named Leland has a mural about the ages of what happened to one crew and how a person went insane and killed his crew in self-defense. Okay, how does this relate to the creatures? It doesn’t. The movie states that the colonist were aided by accelerated evolution from an enzyme meant to help them adjust to life on Tanis and that their descendants turned into cannibalistic mutants. That should give you an idea that you have been on the ship for a long ass time. So no one knew how to plant or do any of that? What type of ship is this that doesn’t have a garden? These creatures are furious as they wear clothing from a bad Mad Max film and chase people around with spears with filled teeth. Oh! I remember what they look like now! Have you ever seen the film, the Ghosts of Mars?!? They look like the people that stabbed themselves. Honestly, now that I think about it, this movie reminds me a lot of that film.
Just like this review, I am going to jump all over the place. What was up with the action scenes? Do you want to talk about being all over the place and not knowing what is going on? Watch some of these, and you forget who was running, the characters, and everything else.
Now with a good majority of space movies, we learned what happened. After looking at the computer display, it states that 923-years have passed since leaving Earth. Dun dun dunnnnnnn! Oh, and the ship reached Tanis 800 years earlier and landed in the deep-ass ocean. Say whatttttttttt! Yep sounds like Wall-e to me but hey, what is new with films these days.
Oh, the wonderful cast. I want to give all of you a break from this film because it was so bad, and I felt like you tried your best with it. I ain’t mad at any of you for going to get your paycheck. Back up that Brinks truck and get paid, but many of you never need to step foot on another space film ever. If someone says, “let’s do a space horror/psychological film,” y’all better run your ass in the other direction.
Overall, just move on from this movie. There are other space movies to watch. Just watch the Alien series. Please watch the Alien series.
