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Rating: 2 out of 5
One of the places I always wanted to work was at a movie theater. Since I love watching movies, it would be one of the best places to work. The smell of popcorn, the taste of nachos, and having candy make going to the movies great. One might even see how the film projector works by putting in the film. Maybe later in life, when I’m retired, I will work at a movie house.
You might think this next question is from left field, but stay with me. When you hear the word “porno” what do you think of? What immediately comes to mind? If you thought porn and sex, you are spot on. The definition of a porno is an erotic or adult film where sexually explicit acts are going to arouse, fascinate or pleasure the viewer. Some of the biggest named porn stars are Angela White, Britney Amber, Jewelz Blu and so many others.
When scouring the depths of Tubi, I landed on a film called Porno. I looked at the image, and I wondered what the hell this film could be about. It looked more like a horror film rather than bumping the nasty. Maybe it would be about the characters making a porno. Something like the Seth Rogen movie with Elizabeth Banks. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I have saved you the time and watched this film. I will tell you, I don’t know why it was called Porno because it is nothing as the name stated.
Porno is actually a distinctive supernatural horror film where a group of kids find an old ass movie reel. Abe (Daves) is what you call a perv. Dude loves to perv on people having sex, but his conscience tells him this is not cool. Abe usually forces Todd (Saperstein), his equally weird but not as pervy best friend, to come watch. The two have some issues and really need to talk to someone about this. Both Todd and Abe work at the local movie theater with Chaz (Mueller), the only girl in the group who hides her feelings but has a major crush or thing with Ricky (Stott). Ricky is a star jock who is hiding a major secret about himself. All four work alongside Heavy Metal Jeff (Tann), a man who once did some shit but found religion and doesn’t do any drugs or sex or whatnot. When the crew decides to close for the night, they see a weird ass homeless man dancing around the inside of the theater. The crew threaten and try to kick him out when homeboy reveals a secret window or wall and jumps through it. It is revealed to be a new room hidden within the theater. As the crew venture in the room, they see old as porno reels. The kids decide to play one of the films. The film is strange as hell, looking like a sacrifice or ritual. Suddenly, a demon, aka succubus (Yntema), is released and ready to gain powers to rule the world. Shit just got real.
I must admit that the story of this film was good and decent. The title is misleading, but the story was good. Having a succubus terrorizes horny teenagers is the way to go. The succubus really does her job while walking around pretty much naked 95% of the time. Her body was looking good in all the right places. Sounds sexist, but wanted to give compliments. Each character has some shit that they are going through where the succubus exploits for all to see. Some of their problems are pretty messed up. I will say that Heavy Metal Jeff gets it the worst.
Does the plot miss on several points? I didn’t understand how the film summoned the succubus as she just appeared. Her demise was equally confusing. Ricky was full on banging something and just as he was about to bust his nut, Chaz is like naw, we’ve got to take her out. Also, I didn’t understand the other dimension and why Todd was the so-called sacrifice. I would say that I was a little confused by how she got people in her traps, but after a while, it was more about looking at her body and sexuality. Made sure it glossed over most of the bad.
The production value of this film was high for this type of movie. I have seen some shitty B-movies, and this one is at the top of my list. The effects were decent, too, as it blended comedy and horror. When that fine ass succubus was on screen, she had an aura about herself, and when she went into demon mode, the movie was crisp and freaky. She had a fog around her, and it showed the mystery of her sexual appeal.
The cast was actually pretty good. Each one gave it all they could, and I have to applaud them. They did way better than most B-movie casts. They actually put in the time and work to make this film bearable to watch. Some of the jokes fell a little flat, but during the serious and intense scenes, they were pretty strong. I applaud each person for their role.
Porno is a quality B-movie that is a step or two or maybe three above other B-movies. Would I watch this film again? Definitely not, but I did enjoy it. The cast did a great job, and the story was decent. It was something that wasn’t expected, and it went above expectations.
