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Rating: 0.5 out of 5
Dear Lord, why must Hollywood make a remake of a movie that no one really asked for? Why must we sit and torture ourselves all over again after the original film was meh? Dear Hollywood, can you at least make an attempt to come up with an original idea. As many novels that are written every year since the beginning of man, you have to make a shitty remake of a film that you probably knew would suck ass and bomb majorly.
This time around, we have Red Dawn. If you don’t remember the original film from 1984, it was about how the United States had been invaded by the Soviet Union and its Cuban and Nicaraguan allies. The story follows a group of American high school students who resist the occupation with guerrilla warfare, naming themselves the “Wolverines,” after their high school mascot. That version starred Patrick Swayze, Charlie Sheen, C. Thomas Howell, Lea Thompson, and Jennifer Grey, to name a few.
This time around, we are up against our dreaded enemy North Korea. At least this time, we get some background on what’s going on in the world. After a nice little montage that showed the fallout of the economic crisis in the European Union and a weakened NATO alliance, amid increasing cooperation between an increasingly militant North Korea and ultra-nationalist-controlled Russia. Yep, gotta add in some North Korea and Russia alliance right there. With this new alliance, the U.S., in their policing ways, deploy U.S. troops abroad rather than keeping them home while leaving the mainland without a proper defense.
The film begins with U.S. Marine Jed Eckert (Hemsworth) is home on leave in Spokane, Washington. He reunites with his father, Police Sergeant Tom Eckert (Cullen), during his little brother’s football game Matt Eckert (Peck). Matt has a big ego and manages to lose his game. In the early morning, a mysterious power outage and then the unexpected happens. Swarms of invading North Korean paratroopers and transport aircraft started to descend upon Spokane. As the North Korean army takes control of the city, Jeb, Matt is joined by Robert Kitner (Hutcherson) and others. Wondering what to do, the teens decide to fight back and stand for the town and country they believe in, calling themselves Wolverines.
Okay, So I don’t know about you, but this whole freakin movie was stupid, annoying, and downright mind-numbing. Some of the acting was terrible, but I will get to that in a little while. First, I know North Korea is an enemy of the United States, but how in the hell would they have the capabilities to reach and invade the United States? Also, what idiot generals would deploy so many troops to leave the U.S. defenseless. Come to find out that the original plan was to have China invade the U.S. Now, if you were Hollywood, would you want to offend the Chinese market? That is a billion people and a significant market that you will piss off but no matter because the movie sucked ass anyway. You could’ve had Turkey invade, and the film would still suck.
Now the storyline is just, huh? Okay? You have this invading army coming in, but how do they get their military weaponry on land? Also, where are all the people who always claim the Second Amendment and not taking their guns away? The film made them look like punk ass bitches. Honestly, Spokane can’t defend itself. The minute I see paratroopers, you get your assault weapons and go to town. Where was the Murcia at? It was a significant disappointment. Let that shit happen in L.A. or Miami or even anywhere in Texas.
The movie and action pick up considerably with so many fighting scenes that you think it’s a video game. Also, Matt is a dumbass because he completely went off-mission to save his girlfriend and got someone killed and then had the nerve to complain about it. Also, the kids with Jed’s training make them into some of the best fighters in the world as they handled assault rifles like they were nerf guns. Also for high school students, they have the strategy knowledge of the Art of War because they were unreal. So unreal that it was unbelievable. Also, the scene where they steal everything from a Subway is quite funny.
Let’s talk about some people. Mainly Josh Peck as Matt Eckert. You want to talk about someone with an ego and major stick up their ass, it’s this freakin character. He was selfish and only thought of himself, and when his brother got sniped, then the dude wanted to be a team player. I freakin couldn’t stand this dude. Everyone else acting was terrible, but Peck, you sir, were the worse ever.
If I had to pick between the original and this one, I would choose the original. Stick to that one because you will become majorly frustrated with this film. The story is meh, and the acting is beyond terrible. Dear Hollywood. Stop making freakin remakes and have an original thought.
