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Rating: 0.5 out of 5
Robin Hood has been around for a freakin long time. I don’t know when he first appeared, but his tale of robbing the rich and giving to the poor has been legendary. He also rolled with a group of characters from Little John, Friar Tuck, Will Scarlet, and many others while going after the heart of Maid Marian and fighting against the Sheriff of Nottingham. There have been a ton of versions of Robin Hood throughout the decades. My favorite version is the Disney animated version of Robin Hood. It is a cute, fun movie that you can sing along to.
Robin Hood has had so many retellings that you can throw a dart and land on some type of Robin Hood film. Yet, in the year of our lord, 2018, a new Robin Hood film graced our screens. I went to see it in the theaters, and the film robbed me of my money and gave it to the studios. I even forgot about the movie until it came on Hulu, and this time, the film was just as bad and robbed me of my time, and gave it to someone else. I would recommend that no one spends the time and effort to watch this film.
Let’s get into it. How does this version of Robin Hood begin, you may ask? Well, Robin of Loxley (Egerton) is a man in LOVE. He meets Marian (Hewson), who tries to steal one of his horses. Rather than turning her in, he gives her the horse and the being a romantic love-making fest. Robin is living the good life until his world is turned upside down by being drafted to fight in the Third Crusade against the Saracens by the corrupt Sheriff of Nottingham (Mendelsohn). The Crusades are hard, and after four long years of fighting, Robin is ready to say fuck this shit, I’m out! When Robin is watching his commander, Guy of Gisbourne (Anderson), executing prisoners, Robin stops a teenage boy from being killed as his father pleads for mercy. Robin is quickly detained and sent back home. When Robin returns home, he visits his old friend Friar Tuck (Minchin), who tells him that the Sheriff had him declared dead and seized all his shit to keep his war going while also pleasing the corrupt Cardinal and telling all the citizens they need to pack their shit and move into the coal mine. Robin stumbles around looking for Marian, and when he spots her, he sees she has moved on to an aspiring leader named Will Tillman (Dornan). Robin leaves saddened when he meets the Arab whose son he tried to save. The man tells Robin his long-ass name but says to simply call him John (Foxx). John proposes a deal with Robin; they would work together to end the war by stealing all the money and teaching him how to use a bow and arrow more effectively. Now, Robin must decide to pursue Marian and help the people.
There is so much wrong with this film. For one, it is a complete bore. It tries to have this action, slow-motion feel to it that doesn’t go off well. The beginning gets you hyped because you see people using bows and arrows in extreme ways. People jump through the air while shooting three areas in repetition at each other. Some type of matrix-type action. The highlight was the fighting in the beginning, and then it fell off so bad that you become bored with the whole film.
After the start and when Robin comes back home, it becomes a bore with you watching Robin stealing from the church but also infiltrating the church to gain its secrets. In this one, Robin is the airhead, and John is the one with the plan. Speaking of John, did he really have to lose his hand and make a steel version of it. If it wasn’t for John, Robin would be lost in the bottle and have NO IDEA on what to do. Hell, John was the one who taught him how to shoot faster and get his world in order.
The film tried to keep your attention by throwing in action scenes that showed Robin stealing from the church. One time, it was at night when he almost got caught but managed to steal the money from a caravan. Another scene was when homeboy went to steal money from people counting it after a service. He straight up tried to go up in there like a ninja and straight up failed so bad that it was laughable. The whole chase scene through the coal mines. It was over the top, seemed useless, and made no sense, but hey, you needed a chase scene.
The ending was blah to the film. Robin fought his former commander, who went a little crazy. Will really went crazy after seeing Marian and Robin having a kissing session during the battle. John got his revenge against the Sheriff, and all decided to move to the forest as Will became like the Batman villain Two-Face and started hating on Robin. Blah, blah, blah.
The acting was all over the place in this film. Taron Egerton, as Robin of Loxley, was okay. Egerton is great in some movies and bombs in other films. He was decent as the young Robin, but it was nothing special and never really held your attention. He should’ve found another project rather than this one.
Jamie Foxx!! What were you thinking? Come on, man. You are better than this film. I love your work, but you should’ve read this script and moved on because, once again, you are better than this. Did you try to go the Morgan Freeman route? What was the thought process? Once again, you are better than this.
Ben Mendelsohn, you make a great villain, but from your Star Wars film, you were not this close to being the ideal villain for this film. I enjoy your work also, and you should’ve dropped out of this film. Your amazing talents were wasted, and I thought you did it just because you needed something to do.
Robin Hood is one of those films that can be dropped. There are so many versions of Robin Hood in movie history that you can find another version to enjoy. You really don’t need to watch this film because it steals two hours of your life and never gives it back.
