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Rating: 3 out of 5
What the hell was this shit? Really? This was the movie that was put out for Wonder Woman! The sheer disappointment of this film was a major letdown. When the first Wonder Woman dropped on the world in 2017, it was freakin AWESOME. I love seeing a badass woman whip ass and take names. In the male-dominated universe of D.C. comics that is straight-up dark and gloomy, it was nice to see a woman superhero who brought some sunshine and life to the comic book universe. I have to give it up to director Patty Jenkins to showing the world that you can have a beautiful, strong, athletic and kindhearted woman superhero. She presented the first film with a story that was charming, funny, and romantic but also action-packed. I freakin LOVED Gal Gadot playing the title character. She is freakin GORGEOUS and straight up looks like a goddess. You were drawn to her in the first film, and I would bow down to her if she rolled up as Wonder Woman.
When the sequel was announced, I was all about it because Wonder Woman has been the only refreshing part of the D.C. Extended Universe. Well, I have to say that Wonder Woman 84 falls into the same trap of shitty sequels that really never got off the ground. The story takes place in the year 1984. A year before I was born. It is the height of the Regan era. We have pop collars, wild hairstyles, classic arcade games, and epic 80s music. You can’t forget about the epic 80s music and everything else you miss about the 80s. You think Stranger Things makes you nostalgic about the 80s, but Wonder Woman 84 drops you dead in the middle of it with the whole mall scene.
Before we get into the story, Jenkins gives us more background on Diane’s childhood. When are shown when Diana is a wee child. She participates in a very athletic and competitive competition on Themyscira against adult Amazons. Diane is whipping ass and is in the lead when she is knocked off her horse. Thinking no one is watching, she cheats and retakes the lead. Before she is about to win, Antiope (Wright) stops her and disqualifies her. She explains that everything obtained must be honorable, while her mother, Hippolyta (Nielsen), gives her advice to be patient in her pursuit of glory and honor and explains the story of the great Asteria, a legendary Amazon warrior who anciently possessed the powerful winged suit of armor. This was the film’s best part, as the music was on point. Great job, Hans Zimmer! You always bring it. It made you feel like you had a front seat in the action.
Then, the film jumps into the full-on 80s. The mall scene was great, but some parts were unnecessary, like taking out of the security cameras scene. Good thing there were no smartphones back then because you wouldn’t be able to hide anything. Diana Prince now lives in the nation’s capital of Washington D.C., and she works as an archaeologist at the Smithsonian, where she uses her vast knowledge and skills to study ancient artifacts. It is the perfect job, or she could’ve worked at the British Museum. Diana is the envy of everyone as she is elegant, immortal, and a goddess, but beneath the beauty is a person who is extremely lonely and misses her love, who has been dead for over 40 years. She sits alone at an outdoor restaurant, watching people go by. At least she isn’t in sweatpants, eating tubs of ice cream, and crying while watching romantic movies. Even for a goddess, times can still be lonely.
When Dr. Barbara Minerva (Wiig), a nerd and lonely person, starts working at the museum, she quickly asks Diana to have lunch. There is an awkward moment when Barbara explains that she doesn’t have any friends, but you can see that, at heart, she is a good person. The two connect and really hit it off. When Barbara obtains a mysterious stone in the lab, she ignores it as she can’t read Latin. Diana states that it could grant one wish to the bearer. This is when shit starts hitting the fan. Diana wishes she could be with her lover, Steve Trevor (Pine), who once again had been dead for decades. Barbara wishes she could be strong, sexy, and cool “like” Diana. The stone works as Steve inhabits another body, and Barbara gains strength when she straight up muscles 315-pound shoulder press like it was a pillow and gains so much confidence. The film really turns when the one and only sexiest man in the world, Pedro Pascal, as T.V. con man Maxwell Lord, is introduced. He is the worst of the worst as a mixture of a car salesman and a fake millionaire tycoon. When Lord gets his hands on the stone, he wishes to become the very stone itself and goes on a power trip like no other.
The rest of the film is trying to stop Lord in a cartoonish way. Lord becomes like God and tries to grant everyone’s wish. With each wish, his health starts deteriorating. He believes that he can take other’s health to live forever. With each wish, the world is increasingly drawn into chaos and destruction. What is confusing is how one wishes on the stone. It seemed like there were 50,000 rules, and it made the plot really hard to follow. One must renounce their wish to have everything go back to normal. Imagine everyone renouncing their wish? With the main characters, Diana loses her powers slowly, and she gets her ass handed to her by Barbara. Barbara starts losing her kind heart and humanity. Those two have a battle that was supposed to be epic but fails. Barbara has a SECOND wish and asks to become an apex predator, where she turns into a cheetah. Diana rolls up in the legendary gold armor, which has ZERO powers or abilities besides flying. Also, we somewhat had the invisible jet where Diana uses her powers from her father, Zeus, to make it invisible. Yup, we hit the awful zone. With the craziness, we get a great scene in the Egyptian desert where Diana is losing her powers, but she manages to flip a couple of cars and saves some kids who would be dead from the force.
Gadot still remains charming and elegant in this film. Even when she is flipping tanks or flying, her make-up and hair are on point. Nothing is out of place, making it somewhat laughable, but it is a comic book film. Wiig brings her comedy chops initially, but as the film goes on, she shows how mean and villainous she can be. I actually liked the villain look and attitude to her character. We need more of that Wiig. Finally, the go-to man in the industry today, Pedro Pascal, was the annoying salesman you see on T.V. today. He is far from his Mandalorian or Joel from the Last of Us. His character becomes a cartoon where you want to see him fail, but he looks like a drug addict. I guess that is great acting.
Wonder Woman 1984 has some decent moments, but in the end, it fails to live up to the original. It didn’t take one step back but like six steps back. It will be a fun watch, but you can really see the downfall of the D.C. Extended Universe.
