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Rating: 0.5 out of 5
I will be the first to tell you that I am a huge Godzilla fan. Growing up, I watched all those Japanese Godzilla films. I absolutely loved them, no matter how crazy and strange they were. The two that I watched the most were Godzilla vs. Megalon and Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla. The first one was crazy because it has this funny looking mecha character named Jet Jaguar. The one I probably have seen the most was Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla. I just remember some woman running out and singing a song to awaken King Caesar. It has been years since I’ve seen those movies. I was all into playing the song where Godzilla would walk through a city or even do his roar. I also mimic his radiation breath. Yep! I was a true nerd and a very strange kid.
In 1998, a brand-new Godzilla film came out, and I will tell you that I was beyond excited. Who couldn’t love a good Godzilla movie? I will be the first to say that I actually liked it. Remember, I was 13 back then. My mind wasn’t fully developed back then. Years later or yesterday, I decided to watch this film all over again. I am beyond disappointed by what I saw. I can’t even believe that I liked that film. What was I thinking? THIS FILM WAS COMPLETE AND UTTER TRASH!!!!
So where to begin with this AWFUL review. Let’s start off with the story. Let’s make it easy on everyone and make it simple. After years of atomic bomb testing in the South Pacific and many years later, an unknown but really, really, really big creature starts wreaking havoc through the whatever ocean. A giant sea liner gets attacked, followed by a couple of fishing boats. The U.S. military calls upon scientist Niko Tatopolous (Broderick) to investigate the matter. Niko quickly thinks it’s a giant, irradiated lizard that has been created by the explosions. The giant lizard makes it way all the way to Manhattan and begins to cause terror and destruction upon the big city. Now everyone must find a way to stop this monster and wonder why it made its way to the Big Apple.
I still can’t believe what I just watched. How is this even a Godzilla movie?? I don’t even know where to begin. First, the start off was good with the ship being attacked and the unknown of the creature, but then after that, it falls so flat that I can’t even describe how what I just have seen. My head even hurts just thinking about it.
First, let’s start off with Godzilla. That wasn’t even Godzilla. That was like Godzilla’s unwanted cousin name Larry (apologies to all the people named Larry out there). What was he or it? If you wanted a giant lizard, then you should’ve made a giant lizard. A giant freakin’ iguana would’ve served a far better purpose. You could’ve done what they did in South Park. If you never have seen the episode, they used Guinea pigs and made them 20 times bigger than the actual characters. That would’ve been ten times better than this crap that I saw. Where was the atomic breath?!?!?! Godzilla has atomic breath, and they used no of it. THIS WAS NOT GODZILLA!!!!! Don’t get me started on that weak a** roar!
With that said, let’s talk about how terrible the special effects and CGI. W.T.F. was put on the screen. The special effects and CGI were awful. Absolutely TERRIBLE! First, Godzilla didn’t even look normal. You could blatantly tell that Godzilla and everything else was beyond out of place. What was the deal with the helicopters? They just look so over the top and not a regular helicopter. There is so much wrong with this film. I mean, in once scene, we see two soldiers walking down a tunnel, and he stops thinking it’s a wall. I can tell you that it is no wall. Then the big lizard’s eye opens, and all of a sudden, it walks away, and you can see the glow in the tunnel. NO ONE saw that big thing move?!? What they hell. I’m so frustrated that all my thoughts are all over the place. Oh, then there is a scene where an old man is fishing on some pier. Somehow and someway, his old ass manages to our run a speeding lizard while the dock explodes behind him. You can tell he doesn’t make it because the planks are exploding next to him, but he manages to make it. LAUGHABLE!!!
Don’t get me started on the story and acting. Now, why does this giant lizard come all the way to N.Y.C. It is pregnant and has migrated all the way to N.Y.C. to lay eggs. Sure enough, the giant lizard lays eggs, and we see baby lizards. Sorry, I can’t bring myself to say Godzilla. So, we got that angle. Where are the giant monsters? Godzilla fights giant a** monsters!!! I’m going to spoil it for everyone. How does big lizard get defeated?? It gets tangled in some cables on a bridge and has rockets exploded into it. Godzilla doesn’t fall and die to missiles and a bridge. Godzilla would’ve walked through the bridge, and rockets would’ve been like a small gnat to it. WHY ARE YOU DISRESPECTING GODZILLA?!?!?!?!?!
Then we get to the wonderful, amazing, talented, one of a kind acting in the world. Yep, it was so great that it will give a run for many awards this season. I mean, it surely will win some type of award. Sorry, wrong movie. What more can I say? The acting was so bad that no one will be named in this review. I will save you the time and effort and just move on.
PLEASE DON’T WATCH THIS MOVIE!! There are far better and entertaining Godzilla movies than this one. This film should be buried deep in the ground and never shown again. The Godzilla franchise deserved better than this crap.
