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Who is ready to get their freaky on!?!?! Oh, do I have something for you. Here are some of the worst erotic thrillers in film history. Oh yes, I’m talking about sex, bad acting, more sex, questionable storyline and yes, more sex. After watching these film, you will head to your favorite porn and appreciate it even more as it is far better than these films.
Two Moon Junction (1988)
If you want to watch a movie with clappin cheeks and showing boobs this is the film for you. You are better off watching a porn rather than this film. A high-quality porn video is way better than this film. A film where a Southern belle who has a high sex drive rolls with a drifter name Perry. This “love” film is bad and once again, a porn would’ve been better. Watch the beautiful Angela White or my future ex wife Britney Amber.
Body of Evidence (1993)
Madonna and Willem Dafoe, what could go wrong? Well, a lot of things in this film. I saw this film when it appeared on PlutoTV. I saw the tail end of it and wanted to see what it was about. How I should’ve skipped this film and not even thought about it again. It was trying to have that Basic Instinct vibe and failed miserably. This was a straight up cash grab that wasn’t entertaining and the dialogue was downright laughable. Don’t even get me started on the storyline. A donkey could’ve written something better than this.
Color of Night (1994)
The only good thing about this film is the sex scene that was apparently voted the best sex scene in film history by Maxim. Starring Bruce Willis as a psychologist who ends up in a sex filled relationship with a client aka the lovely Jane March in this crazy and wild film. It is so crazy that Bruce Willis character loses the ability to see red. Why not purple or green or blue? Why did it have to be a color. Once again, watch this film at your own risk unless you are horny.
Dirty Love (2005)
Dirty Love sounds like a quality porn movie. Honestly, a porn comedy would’ve have been better than this Jenny McCarthy film. A film where she plays a photographer who tries to make her ex-bf jealous after she finds him clapping someone else’s cheeks. Jenny McCarthy is an average comedian, but this film shows that the jokes she had were downright awful. If this film was thrown in the depths of hell, Satan would throw it back and say, “Even the damned souls doesn’t need to watch this film.”
Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)
You probably have read the book, and you probably have even seen this film. The first installment of the film series starring Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele who begins a freaky relationship with business magnate Christian Grey. There are many things wrong with this wannabe freaky film. First, that dialogue. Listen, porn films have better dialogue than this film. Then you add on the pacing that is at a snail’s pace. All the performances are one-dimensional. Honestly, watch a porn and you will be far better off.
