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Welcome back to the series that keeps on giving. Here we go with the 38th posting of the series. Two postings away from 40 overall. Currently, that is 190 awful, no good, head scratching movies. Oh, do I love the movie industry. There is always a bad movie located somewhere. I still haven’t even hit the tip of the iceberg. Have fun with this collection of awful movies.
The Conqueror (1956)
Check it! John Wayne playing the legendary Mongol conqueror Genghis Khan. Yup, you read that right. There is a film where John Wayne plays Genghis Khan, and this was downright bad or awful. This has to be one of the worst films ever made. John Wayne had the same western tone and acting he had in all of his other films. You watch this film and really wonder what the hell is going on. A towering white man playing a different race. So bad to watch.
Only the Strong (1993)
I remember this movie when I was a kid. I thought it was awesome seeing the fighting style of capoeira, an Afro-Brazilian martial art. I didn’t know much about the martial arts style but I remember the song from this film playing. I finally watched it again and I’m sad to say that it didn’t hit like it did when I was a kid. What the hell was the fighting. Why all the slow motion? What the hell. The story is crap with a dude coming back to MIA and wanting to clean up his school Standard martial arts movie where dude gets his ass whipped. Trains a little and heals and then manages to win. The only thing strong about this film is the off button.
The Quest (1996)
The Muscles from Brussels, Jean-Claude Van Damme, made his directorial debut while starring alongside Roger Moore. In this meh martial arts film, Van Damme plays Chris Dubois, a thief who is sold into slavery and then receives Muay Thai training. He enters a Mortal Kombat type tournament where the prize is a giant ass golden dragon statue. The story is quite boring and repetitive if you have seen other martial arts films and the fighting is laughable and lazy.
Timeline (2003)
In a film starring Paul Walker and Gerard Butler from a book written by Michael Crichton comes a film that needs to be buried or someone needs to travel back in time and say don’t make it. A film about a team of archaeology students who find a site that doesn’t seem right. They are recruited by a company that has developed a way to teleport back to 1357 or whatever year through a wormhole. This film is all over the place and become a WTF is going on about a third of the way through. Landing in a time during the Hundreds Year War was a bore and I would rather just read a book than watch this lacking time traveling film.
Pompeii (2014)
What better way to show the eruption of Mount Vesuvius in 79 AD that decimated Pompeii off the face of the earth with a love story. Yup, just like most disaster movies, you need a love story to tell the story of the legendary event. This big budget film was more like a firecracker than anything else. You have a Roman Senator who is an asshole, a slave who turns gladiator that falls for the princess of the city. The film was a mess, and you couldn’t wait for the volcano to explode just to end the film.
